Why does self abuse feel soothing after narcissistic abuse

Why does self abuse feel soothing after narcissistic abuse

by | Mar 9, 2025 | Mental Health, Narcissistic Abuse

Here are some possible reasons why verbally abusing yourself might feel soothing:

Internalized Shame and Self-Blame

  1. Narcissistic abuse: Years of narcissistic abuse can lead to internalized shame and self-blame. You may have absorbed the abuser’s negative messages, making you believe you’re worthless, stupid, or unlovable.
  2. Self-blame as a coping mechanism: Verbal self-abuse can be a way to cope with feelings of powerlessness, anxiety, or depression. By blaming yourself, you may feel like you’re regaining control over your life.

Neurobiological Factors

  1. Stress response: Verbal self-abuse can activate the brain’s stress response, releasing stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. This can create a sense of temporary relief or numbness.
  2. Dopamine release: Self-criticism can sometimes trigger a dopamine release, which can feel pleasurable or soothing. This can create a self-reinforcing cycle of negative self-talk.

Learned Behavior

  1. Modeling behavior: You may have learned this behavior from the narcissistic abuser, who consistently criticized and belittled you.
  2. Self-parenting: Verbal self-abuse can be a way to reenact the abusive relationship, with yourself taking on the role of both the abuser and the victim.

Breaking the Cycle

  1. Self-compassion: Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with kindness, understanding, and patience. Acknowledge that you’re doing the best you can.
  2. Reframe negative self-talk: Challenge negative self-talk by reframing critical thoughts into more balanced and realistic ones.
  3. Seek professional help: Consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in trauma, CPTSD, and narcissistic abuse. They can help you develop coping strategies and work through underlying issues.
  4. Support groups: Join online support groups or forums for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Sharing your experiences and connecting with others who understand can be incredibly helpful.

Remember, you are not alone, and you deserve compassion, kindness, and understanding.