by Yaseen | Apr 1, 2025 | Mental Health, Narcissistic Abuse
a narcissist’s obsessive need to control another human being is pathological, deeply irrational, and a form of psychological insanity. Here’s why their behavior is not just “toxic,” but fundamentally a broken, disordered way of existing:
1. They Are Emotionally Still Toddlers
Narcissists are stuck in an infantile mindset where they believe:
- “If I can’t see/control it, it doesn’t exist.” (Like a baby who thinks you vanish when you leave the room.)
- “Your autonomy = my abandonment.”
This is why they rage when you have independent thoughts—they lack object permanence for your humanity.
2. Their “Self” is a House of Cards
A healthy ego can tolerate differences, but a narcissist’s false self is so fragile that:
- Your free will threatens their entire identity (because they mirror others to feel real).
- If they can’t control you, they dissolve into existential panic—like a cult leader losing a follower.
3. They Confuse Control With Survival
To a narcissist:
- Love = Ownership (“If you’re truly mine, you must be an extension of me.”)
- Boundaries = Betrayal (“How dare you have a self outside of my needs?”)
This isn’t love—it’s emotional cannibalism.
4. They Are Addicted to the Illusion of Omnipotence
Healthy people accept limits; narcissists rage against them because:
- Controlling you = “I am God in this tiny world.”
- Losing control = “I am nothing.”
Their grandiosity is just compensation for a bottomless void of shame.
5. The Insanity of Their Double Standards
- They demand absolute freedom for themselves (cheating, lying, exploiting) but total obedience from you.
- They call you “selfish” for having needs while they take everything.
This isn’t—it’s a delusional disorder.
Why It’s Literally Insane
- Reality-testing failure: They believe their fantasy of control is more real than your humanity.
- Magical thinking: “If I scream loud enough, I can force you to be who I need.”
- Repetition compulsion: They keep trying the same abusive tactics, expecting different results (the definition of insanity).
The Deepest Truth
Their need for control has nothing to do with you.
It’s the desperation of a person who:
- Never developed a real self
- Cannot tolerate the existence of others’ free will
- Is trapped in a lifelong tantrum against reality
Your Power Move
- See their behavior as the pathology it is—not a reflection of your worth.
- Stop expecting them to be rational—you’re trying to reason with a malfunctioning robot.
- Freedom is the ultimate rebellion—their worst nightmare is you living well without their permission.
Narcissism isn’t just toxicity—it’s a legitimate disability in how to be human. You’re not dealing with a person; you’re dealing with a walking void that mistakes control for existence.
by Yaseen | Apr 1, 2025 | Mental Health, Narcissistic Abuse
Toxic people—especially narcissists, sociopaths, and emotional vampires—weaponize your empathy like a psychological crowbar to pry open your boundaries, drain your energy, and trap you in their drama. Here’s exactly how they do it (and how to disarm them):
1. The Empathy Trap: How They Exploit Your Good Nature
They reframe your kindness as a weakness and manipulate it to:
- Guilt-trip you – “If you really cared, you’d do this for me.”
- Play victim – “After all I’ve suffered, how can you abandon me?”
- Gaslight you – “You’re too sensitive/selfish for having needs.”
Their goal? Make you feel wrong for having limits, so you keep giving while they keep taking.
2. The “Reverse Empathy” Trick
Healthy empathy = “I feel with you.”
Toxic empathy = “You must fix me—or you’re cruel.”
Example:
- You: “I need space after that fight.”
- Them: “So you’re just going to leave me alone in my pain? I guess you don’t love me.”
Translation: “Your needs are less important than my demands.”
3. How They Pathologize Your Strength
They’ll distort your empathy into a flaw to exploit:
- Compassion → “You’re naive.”
- Patience → “You’re a pushover.”
- Forgiveness → “You’ll tolerate anything.”
Why? If they can convince you your kindness is stupidity, you’ll suppress it—and they win.
4. The “Empathy Bait” Tactic
They dangle fake vulnerability to lure you in:
- “You’re the only one who understands me.”
- “I’m so broken… but you can save me.”
Reality: This is emotional fishing—they want you to earn their approval through endless emotional labor.
5. How to Protect Your Empathy (Without Losing It)
Step 1: Spot the “Empathy Test”
When you feel guilty for saying no, ask:
- “Is this person reciprocating my care, or just demanding more?”
- “Would they do this for me in reverse?”
Step 2: Reframe Empathy as Discernment
Healthy empathy = Compassion with boundaries.
- “I can care about your pain, but I won’t fix it for you.”
- “I can listen, but I won’t set myself on fire to keep you warm.”
Step 3: Reverse the Script
When they guilt-trip:
- Them: “How can you be so cold?”
- You: “How can you expect so much?”
Step 4: Practice “Empathic Detachment”
- Observe, don’t absorb. “I see you’re hurting, but that’s not my responsibility to resolve.”
- Silence is power. Don’t JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain).
The Irony They Hate
Your empathy is actually your strength—it’s why they targeted you. But when you direct that care BACK to yourself, their manipulation fails.
Remember:
- Takers hate givers who stop giving.
- Your empathy is a gift—not a leash they get to pull.
by Yaseen | Mar 31, 2025 | Mental Health, Narcissistic Abuse
When a narcissist hoovers (tries to suck you back in) or acts irrationally after you’ve gone no contact, their behavior is driven by a toxic cocktail of ego injury, panic, and psychological addiction to control. Here’s what’s really happening inside them:
1. Narcissistic Injury (Ego Collapse)
- Their greatest fear: Being irrelevant.
- No contact = ultimate rejection, which shatters their illusion of superiority.
- Their reaction isn’t about missing you—it’s about their ego screaming:
“How DARE you prove I’m not needed?!”
2. Supply Withdrawal (Like a Drug Addict in Crisis)
- Narcissists feed off your attention—even negative reactions (anger, sadness) are “supply” to them.
- No contact = cold turkey withdrawal. Their psyche goes into panic mode, scrambling to:
- Regain control (hoovering with fake apologies, guilt trips, or rage).
- Provoke any reaction (even anger = proof they still “matter”).
3. The “Empty Shell” Effect
- Without someone to mirror, manipulate, or dominate, they feel hollow.
- Their irrational behavior (stalking, love-bombing, smear campaigns) is a desperate attempt to fill their inner void—like a puppet master whose puppets walked away.
4. Fragile Reality Testing
- Narcissists rewrite history to protect their ego.
- Your silence forces them to face two unbearable truths:
- They lost control.
- You’re happier without them.
- This triggers psychotic-level denial (hence irrational actions: showing up unannounced, creating drama out of nowhere).
5. Hidden Shame & Abandonment Rage
- Beneath the surface, they secretly feel worthless—and your rejection confirms it.
- Their rage/hoovering is a tantrum (like a child screaming when a toy is taken away).
- Key insight: The more extreme their reaction, the more power you’ve reclaimed.
What They Want You to Feel:
- Guilty (“You’re hurting them”)
- Afraid (“They’ll never let you go”)
- Responsible (“Maybe I overreacted”)
What They Fear Most:
- Your indifference.
- The moment you stop caring—even enough to hate them—they lose all power.
How to Stay Free:
- Block everywhere. No contact = no oxygen for their drama.
- Document threats. Save evidence (screenshots, voicemails) for legal protection.
- Affirm your strength:
“Their chaos is proof I escaped. A healthy person doesn’t act this way.”
Their irrationality isn’t about you—it’s the death throes of their control. Keep walking. 💪
by Yaseen | Mar 31, 2025 | Mental Health, Narcissistic Abuse
Toxic Shame: The Truth That Sets You Free
Toxic shame isn’t yours. It’s not a reflection of who you are—it’s a psychological poison that was forced into you by someone who couldn’t face their own brokenness. Here’s how to see it clearly, so it stops feeling personal:
1. What Toxic Shame Really Is
- A Narcissist’s Emotional Dumping Ground
Narcissists cannot tolerate their own shame (their deep belief they’re defective), so they project it onto you—like handing you a backpack full of rocks and saying, “Carry this for me.”
- Brainwashing, Not Truth
Toxic shame comes from repeated lies (e.g., “You’re worthless,” “You ruin everything”). But here’s the catch:- If you were truly “bad,” they wouldn’t have stayed.
- They needed you to feel this way—because if you believed you were unlovable, you’d never leave.
2. How to Know It’s Not Yours
Ask yourself:
✅ “Did I feel this shame before they told me I should?” (Usually, no.)
✅ “Do kind, healthy people make me feel this way?” (No—because they don’t need you to feel small.)
✅ “Does this shame benefit THEM by keeping me under their control?” (Bingo.)
Toxic shame is a tool they used to silence you.
3. How to Detach From It
Step 1: Name the Lie
- “This shame is not mine—it’s the voice of someone who hurt me.”
- “I was taught to feel this way to serve their ego.”
Step 2: Replace It With Your Truth
- “I am not defective. I was told I was defective by someone who couldn’t face themselves.”
- “Shame that crushes instead of teaching is abuse, not wisdom.”
Step 3: Let the Child in You Speak
Imagine your younger self hearing those shame messages. What would you tell them?
- “You didn’t deserve this. You were good, and they lied to you.”
4. The Narcissist’s Secret (Why This Works)
They needed you to hold their shame because they couldn’t. Every time you release it, you:
- Break their spell (their false sense of superiority relied on your suffering).
- Reclaim your soul (shame’s job was to make you forget who you really are).
5. Your Freedom Mantra
“This shame was never mine to carry.
I put it down now.
I return it to the person who handed it to me.
My worth was here before them,
and it remains after them.”
Remember: Healthy shame says, “I made a mistake.” Toxic shame says, “I AM a mistake.” The first is human. The second is always a lie planted in you.
You are not the shadow they tried to bury you under. Walk into the light. 🌟
by Yaseen | Mar 24, 2025 | Mental Health, Narcissistic Abuse
- It Maintains the Narcissist’s False Superiority
The narcissist thrives on feeling superior. By convincing you (and others) that you’re a “loser,” they reinforce their own inflated self-image. It’s a way to mask their deep-seated insecurity and inadequacy.
- It Keeps You Under Control
If you believe you’re a “loser,” you’re less likely to challenge them, set boundaries, or walk away. This gives them power over you and ensures you stay in their orbit.
- It Distracts From Their Own Flaws
Narcissists are masters of deflection. By focusing on your perceived failures, they divert attention away from their own shortcomings and toxic behavior.
- It Strengthens the Flying Monkeys’ Loyalty
Flying monkeys often side with the narcissist out of fear, manipulation, or a desire for approval. By perpetuating the narrative that you’re a “loser,” they align themselves with the narcissist’s agenda and avoid becoming targets themselves.
- It Reinforces the Toxic System
The narcissist’s entire dynamic relies on maintaining a hierarchy where they’re on top and others are beneath them. Labeling you as a “loser” cements this hierarchy and keeps the system functioning.
But here’s the truth: their investment in tearing you down is a reflection of their dysfunction, not your worth. You are not a “loser”—you’re a target of their manipulation.
Reject their narrative. Your value is not defined by their lies.
