a narcissist’s obsessive need to control another human being is pathological, deeply irrational, and a form of psychological insanity. Here’s why their behavior is not just “toxic,” but fundamentally a broken, disordered way of existing:
1. They Are Emotionally Still Toddlers
Narcissists are stuck in an infantile mindset where they believe:
- “If I can’t see/control it, it doesn’t exist.” (Like a baby who thinks you vanish when you leave the room.)
- “Your autonomy = my abandonment.”
This is why they rage when you have independent thoughts—they lack object permanence for your humanity.
2. Their “Self” is a House of Cards
A healthy ego can tolerate differences, but a narcissist’s false self is so fragile that:
- Your free will threatens their entire identity (because they mirror others to feel real).
- If they can’t control you, they dissolve into existential panic—like a cult leader losing a follower.
3. They Confuse Control With Survival
To a narcissist:
- Love = Ownership (“If you’re truly mine, you must be an extension of me.”)
- Boundaries = Betrayal (“How dare you have a self outside of my needs?”)
This isn’t love—it’s emotional cannibalism.
4. They Are Addicted to the Illusion of Omnipotence
Healthy people accept limits; narcissists rage against them because:
- Controlling you = “I am God in this tiny world.”
- Losing control = “I am nothing.”
Their grandiosity is just compensation for a bottomless void of shame.
5. The Insanity of Their Double Standards
- They demand absolute freedom for themselves (cheating, lying, exploiting) but total obedience from you.
- They call you “selfish” for having needs while they take everything.
This isn’t—it’s a delusional disorder.
Why It’s Literally Insane
- Reality-testing failure: They believe their fantasy of control is more real than your humanity.
- Magical thinking: “If I scream loud enough, I can force you to be who I need.”
- Repetition compulsion: They keep trying the same abusive tactics, expecting different results (the definition of insanity).
The Deepest Truth
Their need for control has nothing to do with you.
It’s the desperation of a person who:
- Never developed a real self
- Cannot tolerate the existence of others’ free will
- Is trapped in a lifelong tantrum against reality
Your Power Move
- See their behavior as the pathology it is—not a reflection of your worth.
- Stop expecting them to be rational—you’re trying to reason with a malfunctioning robot.
- Freedom is the ultimate rebellion—their worst nightmare is you living well without their permission.
Narcissism isn’t just toxicity—it’s a legitimate disability in how to be human. You’re not dealing with a person; you’re dealing with a walking void that mistakes control for existence.